Trust

0600 and Admiral Adama was out of bed and on his way to the head to get ready for the day.  Thankfully he had the layout of his quarters committed to memory because he traversed the path with hooded eyes.  For over forty years, Adama had been forced by military life to rise early, but he could never seem to wake up until that first splash of cold water hit is face. 

Far more alert and his bathroom ritual completed, Bill made his way over to his closet.  But something stopped him.  There was something in his path that did not belong.  Actually, as he thought about it, the objects were just as at home here as anything else in his quarters.  But they were not his, they were Laura’s. 

President Roslin had been known to leave things in the admiral’s quarters: reports, books, anything related to their jobs.  Only this did not fall into that category.  How the hell did she manage to forget that?  It was obvious, based on the actual items, that they had been forgotten rather than left intentionally.  At least the admiral hoped they were not left intentionally. 

Bill smiled to himself and shook his head as he went to phone Laura.  She sure was a unique woman. 

***

President Roslin tried to quickly finish getting dressed, but something was impeding her process.  She could not find her shoes.  The day was packed full of meetings, but they did not start until late morning and Laura really wanted to get some things accomplished before then. 

The entire room had been searched for the missing items.  They were not by the door, they were not under the bed, and they were not in the closet.  They also were not in the bathroom, behind the dresser, tangled in the blankets, in any of the drawers, or on any of the shelves.  Where the hell can they be? 

This was her fault she admitted.  If she would quit kicking them off willy-nilly she might be able to locate them at just such times.  Laura giggled at something her mother used to say when her shoes would go missing.  ’That is exactly why I have a designated spot for my shoes.  I put them on when I walk out the door and they go right back in that spot when I step foot into the house… and I never take them off in between.’ 

Laura sat back on her heels after an unsuccessful search under the large cushioned chairs in her room.  Frustrated, she flipped a strand of hair from her face and started to think that maybe her mother might have been right.  But it was just too uncomfortable to wear them all day.  Laura loved her shoes, but how could any woman wear high-heels for ten hours straight?  It was worth the pain to have those beautiful things on her feet, but sometimes they needed a rest. 

Just as Laura was afraid her feet would have to go au natural, or worse yet in sneakers, her phone rang.  She rose from the floor and padded barefoot over to answered it.  ”President Roslin.” 

“Madam President.”  The person’s voice held a playfulness not often heard. 

“Admiral.”  Laura reciprocated Bill’s tone. 

“Did I catch you working?” 

Though he asked the question, there was something in the way Bill said it that told Laura he knew otherwise.  ”Not yet…I’m still trying to locate my shoes.  They seem to have walked off,” she answered looking around for the elusive objects. 

“That’s too bad…would you like to borrow a pair of mine?” 

The offer made Laura giggle.  That was just what she needed to finish her ensemble: a pair of combat boots.  ”I don’t see them coordinating with my outfit.” 

“You’d be surprised.  I have very good taste in shoes.”  Bill was enjoying this immensely. 

“I’ve seen your shoes,” she deadpanned. 

“You haven’t seen them all.  I have one particularly exquisite pair that I think you might find to your liking.” 

At Bill’s use of the word ‘exquisite’ Laura erupted into all out laughter.  He was absolutely priceless.  ”Oh you do, do you?” she said once she gained control of herself.  ”So what does this ‘exquisite’ pair look like?”  Laura loved these little interludes where they could both be themselves.  Only with each other could they show this side. 

“Black, leather I believe, high heels, pointy toes, looks like size six, and inside they say Pradan.” 

“Oh my gods!  Bill, how did you get my shoes!?” 

“I sent a black-ops team over in the middle of the night to retrieve them…Actually, they just magically appeared in my quarters this morning.  They were by my desk.” 

“By your desk?  How did they…” Laura trailed off as she tried to recall last night.  She and the admiral shared a working dinner in his quarters and then had continued to work very late into the night.  At some point Laura took off her shoes, but she was certain she had put them back on as she stood to go. 

“You must have left them,” he said.

“That’s ridiculous.  I think sometime during the journey back here I would have noticed I was not wearing shoes!”  The idea was utterly preposterous. 

It was Bill’s turn to offer a quick laugh.  He could just picture the president of the Twelve Colonies traipsing through Galactica sans shoes.  The image was quite endearing.  ”Maybe a Cylon agent planted them here,” he said in mock paranoia. 

“To what end?  To discredit us?” 

“Maybe.  Or maybe it was an act of the gods.” 

“I think the gods have more things of interest than playing hide-and-seek with my shoes.” 

“Then maybe it was your subconscious trying to tell you something.” 

Laura could not wait to hear this one.  ”And what, pray tell, could my subconscious be trying to tell me?”

“That you shouldn’t have left last night.” 

Did he really just say that?  Had Admiral William Adama just said that she, President Laura Roslin, should have stayed with him last night?  And his tone had been dead serious too.  Laura needed to bring this back around.  ”Or maybe I was just bone tired when I left and forgot to put them back on.” 

“I’m pretty sure that was my first explanation.  It’s just like a politician to steal someone’s idea.” 

Satisfied with the direction of the conversation, Laura replied, “Well at least I steal from the best.” 

“Can’t argue there.” 

Laura smirked and then said, “Sooo what will it take to get you to bring me my shoes?” 

“Shoes are a precious commodity.  Maybe I’ll just hold them hostage.” 

“You would force the president to run around barefoot?” 

“You did last night.” 

Laura giggled before she got semi-serious.  ”Ok, name your price.” 

It was dead silence as Bill tried to figure out what he wanted.  Suddenly Laura thought she might actually be in trouble.  Finally he asked, “What time is your last meeting over?” 

“Around 6:30.” 

“And what time is your first meeting tomorrow?”

Laura was afraid where this might be going.  ”10:00.” 

“Fine.  Be here at 7:00 and wear something comfortable.  Bring something to sleep in and a change of clothes.  And a suit is not considered comfortable and don’t even think about bringing that as your change of clothes.” 

“You’re planning on me staying the night?”  She was a little afraid of the idea.  Truth be told, Laura was terrified. 

“If you want your shoes back.”  There was no response.  Bill had heard the trepidation in her voice earlier.  His own voice softened as he asked, “Do you trust me?” 

The answer was immediate.  ”Yes.” 

“Then trust me…I’ll be over shortly with your shoes.”  Without another word, Bill hung up the phone. 

***

It had been a typical long and dreary day in the Colonial Fleet, but things were looking up.  It was almost 1900 and Laura would soon arrive. 

Bill was making the final preparations, having already changed out of his uniform, when there was a knock on the hatch.  ”Come in,” the admiral called.  Through the door stepped the person who continued to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. 

She had followed his instructions.  Laura was wearing a brown pull over with jeans.  Bill was surprised and pleased to see sneakers adorn her feet.  Laura had never hidden the fact that sneakers were not her favorite things to wear, only donned out of necessity. 

She looked amazing.  It was so rare for Bill to see her like this and he somehow found it more alluring than her short skirts.  The one thing that was unchanged was her hair.  The soft curls tumbled down and over her shoulders as they always did. 

Despite her typical confident manner, Laura was slightly trembling inside.  She was nervous, unsure of what to expect.  Logically, she knew there was no reason to be hesitant, this was Bill.  He had asked her to trust him and she did, implicitly.  So why was she so afraid?  Because she had no idea where this was going.  Bill had not been forthcoming with any details of the evening and the fact that their unspoken attraction only continued to grow stronger did little to help matters. 

For some time now, she had felt Bill wanting more than what currently existed between them.  Laura cared for him deeply, more than she had ever cared for any man, but she just was not ready.  To become involved with anyone, even Bill, would be too distracting.  There were too many people who depended on her, them, to allow for a selfish indulgence.  It just was not the right time. 

With a mental sigh Laura admitted it would probably never be the right time. 

Bill could tell Laura was anxious.  She had not even moved from her initial spot just inside the door.  That had not been his intention.  He walked over and took her bag, placing it by the hatch.  ”I’ve arranged quarters for you onboard,” he said. 

Obvious relief washed over Laura’s face, despite her effort to hide it.  Though there was no point to try to hide it from Bill.  The two had spent so much time together, faced so much together, that it was impossible to hide anything. 

Bill directed her to the couch as he picked up the phone by the hatch and ordered dinner.  Some ten minutes later, their meal was being spread out on the table by one of the galley-men as the two sat and talked quietly, water glasses in hand.  Bill had offered Laura something stronger, but she, wanting to maintain a clear head, had opted for water.  He had chosen the same. 

Laura noticed the private was quickly performing his task of laying out the food.  This was often the case, no doubt in an effort to make a hasty exit.  She sometimes wondered if the action was due to her presence or the admiral’s. 

Mission accomplished, the private began his retreat, but Bill stopped him.  The admiral rose so he could hand over Laura’s bag as he informed the enlisted-man where it should be taken. 

When they were finally alone and it seemed there would be no more interruptions, Laura asked, “Do I get to know what is in store for me?  I’d like to know if my shoes were worth it.”  She tried to make the inquiry sound light, but was certain she failed. 

Bill reclaimed his seat on the couch beside her as he replied, “I just thought you needed a night off.” 

“A night off?” she asked, an unsure gaze fixed on him. 

He took a drink of his water and then turned to her.  ”Yes.  Tonight you’re hiding out on Galactica.” 

“I’m hiding out?” 

“How long are you going to repeat what I say?”  He was amused rather than irritated. 

“As long as it takes for me to get a complete answer.” 

Bill shook his head as he raised his glass and said, half to himself and half to her, “I knew I should have held on to your shoes longer.”  He then took another drink forcing her to wait. 

At his slight annoyance, Laura let out a quick snort.  Bill was so cute when he got like this.  She said nothing, but rather waited for him to speak.  When he finally did, the words were not what she expected. 

“You’ve been under a lot of pressure since New Caprica – the Quorum, the press – and I just thought you needed a chance to hide from all that.  Allow you some downtime so you can mentally recharge.  We’ll have dinner, play some cards, and then you can go sleep in a rack instead of on a cot.  There isn’t even a phone in the quarters I chose, so you can have eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.” 

Laura was touched, deeply touched.  All Bill had thought about was her.  He was such a remarkable man. 

They both lived in a constant state of exhaustion, but Laura only had the civilian side to contend with.  Bill was the one who had the herculean task of keeping the fleet safe.  While she worried about attacks from the Cylons, there was nothing Laura could do during them but to stand on the sidelines.  It was his decisions that determined if people lived or died. 

He was the one who shouldered the responsibility and yet he wanted her to have a rest.  She was at a loss for words.  Laura had an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around Bill’s neck and kiss him…he did not make it easy for her to keep their relationship platonic. 

Bill could see how moved Laura was and he was glad.  She deserved tonight.  More than anyone else in the fleet she deserved a break.  For so long Laura had given everything she had to these people, even her life at one point, and all everyone seemed to want to do was kick her in the teeth. 

The only things the admiral had to worry about were his crew and protecting the fleet from the Cylons.  She was the one who had to fight with the Quorum, who constantly had the press on her back, who had to listen to the squabbling and whining of the civilian population.  If it were not for the fact that they were down to a numbers game, Bill would give serious consideration to throwing the whole lot out the nearest airlock. 

Bill pushed those thoughts aside.  He had no desire to think about any of that tonight.  ”Ready to eat?” he finally asked. 

“Mmhmm,” was all Laura was able to manage, afraid to speak only to have her voice betray her emotions. 

They both rose and proceeded to the table.  When they neared, Bill pulled out a chair for her.  Laura could not remember exactly when he had first started to do that, but she knew it was sometime after their return from Kobol.  She loved that he did it.  With everyone else, the action was a sign of respect for the president.  With Bill, it was an act of chivalry shown to a woman.  And that’s why she loved it, because it made her feel like a woman.  He made her feel like a woman.  Oh gods…how am I going to last the evening?

Something finally sunk in as Bill sat down.  Laura’s eyebrows raised and she asked, “So we’re playing cards?” 

***

A few hours later, Laura peered over her cards at Bill, studying him.  Her next action was critical and could decide the game.  ”Do you have any double bars?” 

Bill glared at the cards in his hands before he raised his eyes to hers and answered, “Go fish.” 

Disappointed, Laura reached down and drew a card from the pile.  It was her lucky day.  ”Double bars,” she gloated as the card joined the others in her hand only to be placed down on the table.  She was out. 

“I think you’re cheating,” Bill said as he looked from her massive pile to his puny one and then back to her.  That was five games in a row she had won. 

Laura gathered the cards to deal again.  ”You’re just upset because you’re losing.  You’re the one who wanted to play cards, remember?” 

“I thought we’d play Triad,” he answered almost pouting. 

Bill’s expression reminded Laura of some of her former students.  But Ms. Roslin, it’s my turn to erase the board,’ they would cry.  There was something incredibly cute about seeing it in a grown man.  She found herself automatically reverting to her teacher voice when she replied.  ”Yes, but you couldn’t remember how and I’ve never played.  It’s not my fault you don’t have any other games.” 

Neither had been able to recall the rules to any thing else, so they had been stuck with ‘Go Fish’.  To both their surprises, they had actually been having a very enjoyable evening as they indulged in the childish activity.  It probably had something to do with the fact that not once during the course of the evening did they talk about or even think about the fleet. 

Bill sat back and removed his glasses so he could rub his eyes and the bridge of his nose.  ”I need a short break,” he said as he pushed his chair back. 

Laura watched him walk off behind her and then heard the door to the bathroom close.  She decided she needed a break as well, so she tossed down the cards and stood to stretch her legs.  They carried her over to the massive credenza along the back wall.  Laura laughed to herself.  Bill’s quarters never ceased to amuse her.  This was a man with more than just a love of books, this was a man on a mission to devour anything and everything printed and bound. 

It had struck her the very first time Laura had ever stepped foot into Bill’s quarters just how many books he had.  They had been absolutely everywhere and it was still true today.  They were not just tucked here and there on shelves, they were his quarters.  There was not a single surface, including the floor, which did not hold at least one of the precious items. 

Her finger ran along the spines as she read the titles.  A number of them she recognized and some she had already read.  Laura was slowly making her way through Bill’s collection. 

As a rule, Bill never loaned books, ever.  Give away?  Yes.  Loan?  No.  But somewhere along the way, Laura had become the exception.  She was the only person allowed to borrow any of his cherished books.  The significance of the honor was not lost on her. 

One of the titles caught her attention and Laura’s hand came to settle on a hunter green spine with gold embossed lettering.  Fairy Dust and Diamond Lace by Melvina Deter.  She set aside the other books resting on top of it and opened to the first page.  Only one paragraph into the novel and Laura had already picked up the book to continue at a more comfortable distance.

Laura was so engrossed that she did not hear Bill come up behind her.  ”Which one did you pick this time?” he asked softly as he peered over her shoulder. 

Her eyes never left the page as she half turned her head to respond with, “Hmm?”  Laura quickly finished the last of the page and then looked to Bill.  He was smiling at her. 

“I asked which book you had chosen.” 

“Oh,” she said as she closed the book, keeping a finger in it, and flipped it over to the front, “Fairy Dust and Diamond Lace.  Do you remember it?” 

There was not a single book in Bill’s possession that he had not read.  That was just another thing Laura loved about him.  Unlike most of the politicians she had known who had a massive library filled with books that were only purchased to impress, Bill did not own a single book he had not read.  And he only kept the ones he liked. 

“Oh yeah.  It’s different, but I think you’ll enjoy it.” 

There had yet to be a book in the collection Laura had not enjoyed.  ”Different how?” 

“Well I don’t want to give it away.  Just read it.” 

She looked down at the book in her hand and turned to the end to see how many pages it contained.  Laura then rolled her thumb along the edge of the pages so she could quickly flip through them back to where she had been reading.  The action caused some dust to fly up and she blinked hard as something flew into her eye. 

Laura continued to blink to dislodge whatever the particle was, but it was not working.  She then tried rubbing her eye, but that only seemed to make it worse. 

“You all right?” Bill asked. 

“I’m fine,” Laura began as she removed her glasses and placed a hand over her eye.  She could not seem to keep it from blinking out of reflex and now every time it did, something scratched her.  ”I just have something in my eye.” 

“Let me see.”  Bill removed the book and glasses from her hands to place them on the table.  He then guided her closer to the lamp to get a better look. 

As he pushed away her hand, Laura grasped his forearm.  Bill placed his left hand on the side of her face while he rested the fingers of his other on her forehead.  Using his thumbs, he gently pried her eyelid open.  It did not take long to locate the offensive object.  On his first failed attempt to remove it, Laura’s other hand quickly came up to grasp his elbow as a reflex action to the pain.  Bill was more successful on the second try as he coaxed the particle to the edge of her eye and out. 

Mission accomplished, Bill lowered his right hand to her shoulder as he asked, “Better?”   

Laura blinked a few times to test.  ”Yes, I think so.  Thank you.”  When she finally regained focus, she realized just how close Bill was, and when their gazes met, Laura found she could not look away. 

Silence filled the room.  Bill’s left hand still held Laura’s cheek, and he caressed it with his thumb.  The look on Bill’s face and the gentleness of his touch told Laura exactly where this was going.  She closed her eyes, needing to block off at least one sense to ease the demands on her mind. 

“Bill,” she whispered.  Laura was not certain if it was to beg him to stop or to encourage him to continue.  Everything was confused in her head.  Tonight, in his quarters, slowly throughout the evening, they had built a wall to block out anything that was not them.  Not once had the concerns that typically plagued them entered, and as a result, those things had been pushed out until only a man named Bill and a woman named Laura remained. 

“Trust me,” Bill whispered back. 

At the sound of his plea, Laura opened her eyes.  As she watched Bill lean in, she felt surprisingly calm.  They had been working towards this moment for months and Laura had been fighting against it the whole time.  But when the moment finally arrived, she did not run from it, she embraced it.  When he pressed his lips to hers it felt so right, and she wondered how she could ever have found fault. 

Bill’s mind was racing and it took everything he had to control it, to control his actions.  The softness of her cheek, the warmth of her lips, the scent that was distinctly Laura, it was all so intoxicating.  He knew if he allowed his emotions to take over, it would be too much too soon.  Laura was not ready to see the depth of his feelings.  And that was not what this night was supposed to be about.  This night had been meant to give her a rest. 

He broke the kiss and pulled back, content to once again gaze upon the face of the woman who consumed all his thoughts.  In her eyes, he could now see that her feelings for him ran much deeper than he had previously been aware. 

The emotions coursing through the two of them demanded closeness.  Bill pulled her into an embrace and he smiled to himself as Laura rested her head on his shoulder.  So near each other, her body pressed to his, Bill reveled in her warmth.  Had anything before ever felt so good? 

Laura inhaled deeply and let it out in a contented hum.  She could not believe they were here in this moment.  For so long she had wanted it, but never allowed it, and now it was more than she had imagined. 

After Bill had kissed her, when he had looked into her eyes, Laura had seen such powerful and raw emotions in him that any other time it would have frightened her.  But not tonight.  And at his revelation, she had felt safe enough to reveal her own feelings, not only to him, but to herself as well.  Here, tonight, within the refuge they had created, it was finally safe enough to express what they had been denying themselves for so long. 

Laura was the one who broke the embrace.  Her hands moved down Bill’s arms so she could interlace her fingers with his.  She turned slowly and began to pull him with her to his rack. 

Bill stopped the progression.  Laura, fearful that she had made a mistake, that she had gone too far, searched his eyes.  Deep within, she could see his yearning.  But at the forefront, was only concern for her, a desire to ensure that this was truly what she wanted.  The warmth this created in her spilled out into a smile as she said, “Trust me,” before she resumed her path. 

Their joining carried with it the excitement of new lovers and the ease of two souls who had known each other for an eternity.  Afterwards, their naked bodies lay intertwined.  Though both were exhausted, not just from their previous action, but from the release of worry and responsibility the night had carried, they refused to sleep.  This evening was too special, too rare to waste on sleep.  They needed to stretch it out for as long as possible, needed to feel the comfort, compassion, and closeness that could only be found in each other. 

After so many weeks, months, years, of trying, they had finally found a way to not necessarily trust one another (because that had been obtained ages ago,) but to trust themselves with each other.