To Just Be

“Madame President.” Admiral William Adama stepped into the room and glanced around, noting the changes since he’d last been in it, almost two years earlier.

“Admiral.” Laura glanced up with a smile, “I’ll be right with you.”

“Take your time.” He moved slowly around the room, pausing at one of the view ports to gaze out at the fleet.

“So, Tory.” Laura signed the final piece of paper and shut the folder. “That should do it, please make sure it’s transmitted to the appropriate parties.”

“Yes Madame President.” Taking the folder, Tory smiled. “I’ll take care of it tonight.”

“And you’re sure there’s nothing left for me to take care of?” Leaning back in her chair, Laura lifted an eyebrow. “Anything at all?”

“I’m afraid not.” Tory laughed softly. “It won’t be that bad.” At the soft grunt from behind her, she risked a glance. “For either of you.”

“Safety in numbers, so to speak.” Laura shook her head. “Well then, if you need me, contact the Galactica. Please.”

“Madame President, it’s a reception, not a battlefield.” Tory looked confused.

”Battlefield’s can be disguised in many different forms.” Bill interjected gruffly. “A reception is just better dressed.”

“Very well.” With a final shrug, Tory looked at them both. “Really, you have a drink, something to eat…talk a bit…”

“I remember thinking the same thing at one point.” Laura stood and moved toward the curtain at the rear of her office. “Bill, let her have her dreams while she can. Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”

“No rush.” Seating himself in a chair, he tugged on his tunic.

“Admiral…” At the soft tone, he glanced up at the aide. “You’ll keep an eye on her?”

“Is something wrong?” Matching her tone, he watched her cross to face him.

“She’s just…a bit,” Tory shrugged one shoulder, “I don’t know. The Vice President’s been wearing her down, and the quorum…I think it was almost easier with Baltar, I mean at least we knew he was a pain in the…well, you get the idea.”

“She hasn’t stopped once since you left New Caprica, has she?” Involuntarily, his eyes drifted toward the now shut curtain Laura had gone through.

“The office takes a lot of attention, and now that we’ve been re-organizing again,” Tory shook her head slowly. “I don’t think she sleeps much. We’re here late, and I know she stays later; then no matter how early I get here, she’s already working. I know you haven’t been able to see her much either, but…”

“Well, hopefully this won’t run too long.” Bill’s eyes returned to meet hers. “Perhaps she’ll get some rest tonight,” he broke off as the curtain slid open.

“You’re still here Tory?” Laura looked surprised.

“The Admiral and I were just catching up.” She stepped toward the desk and picked up a few more folders. “Admiral, it was nice to speak with you again.”

“Thank you for the conversation.” He stood and held out a hand, waiting as she took it. “I hope to see you again soon.”

“Likewise.” Tory smiled at him and glanced at Laura. “Enjoy yourselves.”

“Shut up, or I’ll make you come with us.” She teased. “Go, I know there’s some sort of something going on while I’m off ship. Have some fun.”

“If that’s an order.” With a laugh, Tory left the room as Laura moved forward and handed Bill a small case.

“Admiral.” She lifted an eyebrow.

“Madame President.” He mimicked the movement and gestured toward the hatch Tory had just exited through. As she passed him, he leaned forward. “I do like you in that color.”

Laura continued toward the hatch, looking back over her shoulder with a smile as she opened it, “I know.” Returning her attention to the front, she nodded at the Marine guard, her smile widening as she felt Bill’s hand touch her back. She didn’t know if he even realized what he was doing, if it was an ingrained sense of courtesy or not. What she did know is that she realized that she appreciated it, a small sense of being female, not the President, or the leader in charge. And that he was the only one she’d feel comfortable with doing it. Remaining silent until they were seated in the Raptor, she leaned back and closed her eyes, one hand lifting to slip her glasses off. As the ship departed, she let out a soft sigh.

“You didn’t have to come over for this.” Bill leaned forward, mindful of the marine seated behind them.

“Far be it from me to disappoint them. My staff that is.” Keeping her eyes closed, Laura sighed softly. “As soon as they found out about the invitation, my staff started planning something on Colonial One, something that I don’t think I was supposed to know about.”

“While the President is away?” He chuckled. “How giving of you.”

“Hmm.” She smiled. “Stop hovering Admiral, I can feel you. I’m fine, I’m not in any pain, and really, I’m just resting. And I do appreciate the invitation.”

“I’m not hovering.” Bill grumbled under his breath, rewarded by the soft laugh from her as he leaned back in his seat, his eyes moving to the viewport.

All too soon the ship touched down with a soft jolt, the hatch hissing open a moment later. “Madame President, welcome to Galactica.”

“Thank you Admiral.” She smiled at him before moving easily through the hatch, automatically taking the hand of the crewman who was there to assist her. “It’s nice to be back.”

“Ensign,” Adama handed the case to a nearby crewman. “Make sure this gets to my quarters.”

”Yes sir.” At the response, Bill turned his attention back to Laura, who was surrounded by several of the flight crewmen, chatting with them. Taking the opportunity to watch her, he relaxed slightly. She was back on his ship, where he could make sure she was safe, although he would never present it to her in that manner, not if he valued his life. As she dropped her head back, laughing at something one of the crew had said, the light caught her hair, which had already lost most of the highlights the sun had brought out while she was on New Caprica.

With a mental shake, he stepped forward, “Madame President, we need to be on our way.”

“Of course.” She glanced at him, lips curved in a smile before returning her attention to the group around her. “I’ll see you later.” A few minutes later, hands pressed and a few hugs given and received, they left the hanger bay. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to see friends.”

“You’re welcome any time.” He suggested, “you know that. Even though Colonial One isn’t docked with us any more.”

“Yes,” Once again she glanced up at him through her lashes. “I know that. Now, what again is tonight for?”

“We’re trying to rebuild our family.” Bill tugged at his collar. “You know the feelings are still running deep. Someone came up with the idea of some sort of social mixer. Something about alcohol and music being the common thread that might start to bind us together again.”

“Hmm.” Laura mused on this for a moment. “Interesting concept. Almost political in nature.”

“Never say that.” He grumbled. “It’s just a casual reception.”

“Music and alcohol you said.” She paused as the sound of noisy voices reached them. “A casual reception?”

“Politically it’s a reception.” His lips twisted. “I suppose militarily it could be construed as a party.”

”Oh.” She blinked. “And you invited the President to a party?”

“No.” Bill turned to face her. “We invited the President to be a representative of the Colonies at the reception, I invited you so I’d have someone to talk to at the frakking party.”

“And together we represent those who were planetside and those who weren’t?” Laura tilted her head, inspecting his face. “Politically speaking of course.”

“Of course.” He grinned. “Politically speaking.”

“By the way, I brought you something.” Absently she touched his arm, a surge in the noise ahead catching her attention.

“You what?” Leaning forward, Bill raised his voice to be heard.

“I brought you something.” She lifted her head toward his ear and matched his tone. “It’s in my case. It’s a surprise.”

“Really?” He looked surprised as she stepped back and started moving toward the noisy gathering.

“Really.” She called back over her shoulder. “Aren’t you supposed to be escorting me, Admiral?”

“Of course, Madame President.” Shaking his head, he started toward her again, catching up just as she entered the large room.

Several hours later, he closed the hatch to his quarters as she continued into the room, kicking her shoes off before sinking down onto the sofa. “Well Admiral, you military types do throw quite a reception.”

“And you, Madame President can throw back a shot or two with surprising skill for a civilian at a military party.” Unfastening his jacket he draped it on the back of a chair before joining her on the sofa. “Care to share where that skill came from?”

“A girl has to have some sort of mystery about her.” Setting her glasses on the table, she turned to look at him, her legs tucked to the side. “Did I really shock them?”

“Some of them.” He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’s good to see you relax.”

“It’s good to relax.” Laura blinked. “Oh, wait.”

“What?” When she uncurled herself and stood, he frowned. “What’s wrong.”

“Nothing.” Crossing the room to the table where she’d spied her case, she glanced back at him. “Remember, I said I had a surprise for you.”

“Indeed you did.” Bill watched her dig through her case. “Although you wearing that dress is surprise enough.”

“Really?” She looked up and smiled at him. “You like it that much?”

“I told you I did.” Standing, he moved to face her and rested his hands on her hips. “You don’t wear enough bright colors.”

“I wear them when I want to just be Laura, or can be, which is even rarer.” She leaned forward and kissed him gently. “So, I don’t wear them that much. This was mixed up with some other things Tory found for me, I think this may be the first time since…” Returning her attention to the case as he leaned over her shoulder, she smiled. “Ah ha. Found it.” Turning in his arms she held up a small bag.

“Frak me…” he breathed out when he realized what she was holding. “Where the frak did you find that?”

She smiled lazily. “I was going through the one bag of my things that made it onto a ship, I found the dress, and somewhere underneath, this.” One eyebrow raised in challenge. “So, I thought since it was probably contraband, I should bring it to the Admiral’s attention.”

“As well you should.” He stared at the plastic bag she held, one that contained a cigarette, although he knew very well that it wasn’t a normal cigarette. As she tilted her head, waiting for his response, his thoughts returned to the night they’d spent on New Caprica after Baltar’s Founder’s Day groundbreaking…

“Bill?” Laura had watched his eyes grow distant, probably remembering the same night as she had when she’d found the bag. It had been wrapped in the sweater she’d worn with the dress that night. “Bill…”

“Come with me.” Stepping back, he tucked the bag into a pocket and grabbed his tunic, pulling it on before catching her hand.

“Bill, I’m…wait a minute.” Pulling away, Laura laughed as she stepped back into her shoes. “Hold on.” Crossing back to the bag, she pulled her sweater out as he opened the hatch.

“We’re going on a walkabout, you are dismissed for the evening.” He nodded at the guards as they glanced at each other then saluted him.

“We’re doing what?” She joined him as he pulled the hatch shut.

”Another military tradition. A walkabout.” Touching her back, he guided her down the passageway, to all intents and observers giving her a tour of the ship. “You’ve wanted to see more of the ship.”

“Well, yes.” Still confused, Laura glanced at him, reading his expression until her eyes widened in realization. “Where are we going?” She whispered.

“You’ll see.” He continued down the passageways, telling her about the areas they were passing through, although she wasn’t really listening, just letting his voice wash over her. Laura smiled and absently nodded at the few people they passed, allowing herself to just enjoy his husky tones as the effect of the alcohol shots she’d consumed washed through her. When he finally stopped and entered a code into a panel, she leaned against the wall, watching him.

“Where are we?” She asked softly as they waited for the hatch to open.

“Unused observation bay.” When the hatch creaked open, he peered inside before reaching out his hand. “Come on.”

“How romantic.” Laura retorted wryly as they stepped through the hatch.

“Watch your step.” He pulled the hatch shut and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. “Over here, Madame President.”

“Oh…” She stopped where she was, staring out at the passing stars. “Bill…”

“From what I can remember, it was to have been used for small receptions, the like.” He glanced around the room and led her toward the large viewport. “Hold on a moment,” pulling a covering off of one of the sofas, he pushed it slightly so it was facing the port. “Here you go.”

“This is familiar.” Laura relaxed back onto the cushions as he sat next to her. “And?”

“As Admiral and President, I believe it’s our responsibility to dispose of said contraband.” He pulled the bag out of his pocket and handed it to her. “President Roslin.”

“Admiral Adama.” Solemnly she took the bag and opened it, pausing as she glanced up at him. “This is being totally irresponsible, isn’t it?”

“For once.” He held up a lighter. “For a few minutes. I just want to frakking forget about the Cylons and the fact that half my crew still distrusts the other half, the level of trust is about gone, and the only thing that unites them is a common hatred for Gaius Baltar. Wherever the frak he might be. For just a few minutes.”

“For just a few minutes, forgetting about the Quorum that argues constantly, a vice-president… the press that never lets up…” she shook her head slowly, “not knowing where…” With another shake, she lifted the cigarette to her lips and inhaled as he lit it. Closing her eyes, she held it out to him. “We are a pair.”

“Indeed we are.” He inhaled deeply before handing it back to her. “To cabins in the forest.”

“Mmm.” She smiled, pausing a moment before inhaling and handing it back. “To a night of peaceful sleep.”

“Interesting.” Taking it, he caught her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm before continuing. “To finding other lost souls.”

“You think we’re lost souls?” Laura turned slightly, facing him as he inhaled and handed it back to her.

“I believe…we are perhaps not lost souls, but souls that are seeking, and in our searching, are seeking together.” He raised an eyebrow. “Your turn.”

“Hmm.” Lifting it toward her lips, she paused a moment and thought before smiling lazily. “To surviving to find a soul.” Inhaling, she let her head drop onto his shoulder, nestling into him.

“Don’t fall asleep.” Bill warned, nuzzling her hair as he took the cigarette.

“I’m not.” Staring out at the passing stars, Laura smiled. “Don’t you sometimes wish it could be like it was that night. Just two people, not caring or having to be responsible for thousands of other people, but just talking, sharing…”

“More than you know.” He watched the stars for a moment then looked down at her profile, lit by starlight. “To a dream of the future.”

She hummed again, softly as she felt him inhale, his chest rising under her cheek. “That’s nice.”

”We can’t let go of believing of our future, Laura.” He gently stroked her back.

“I wouldn’t be here,” she inhaled the cigarette he’d held to her lips, “on Galactica I mean, if I didn’t believe of a future. But there’s so much we have to go through before we get there. And sometimes it’s just so frakkin’ hard. To believe.”

“So why do you?” As she absently rested her hand on his chest, he smiled slightly. He’d almost forgotten the sense of security, of peace that a simple hand could bring, and truth being the fact that it was Laura Roslin’s hand both confused and soothed him. Again. “Believe that is.”

Her lips twitched slightly as she reached up and took the cigarette from him. Taking a deep drag, she handed it back to him. “Because if I didn’t believe…I don’t know what I would have. I have to believe in hope, in dreams…in you.”

“In me?” Surprised, Bill looked down at her.

“In you.” She looked up to meet his gaze, her eyes wide in the dim light. “Your turn.”

He lifted the cigarette to his lips and paused before inhaling. “To having faith. In each other.”

“In each other.” She echoed softly and took the cigarette from him. Inhaling deeply, she handed it back to him. “Almost gone.”

“So,” He took a final drag and reached over to a nearby table and ground out the stub on an ashtray. “Now that we’ve disposed of the contraband, tell me about how you learned to handle doing shots.”

“Hmm.” Laura laughed softly. “Was it really that much of a surprise?”

“I don’t remember seeing you drink much in public. Only occasionally in private.” He continued to stroke her back. “So spill it, schoolteacher.”

“Schoolteacher?” He felt her smile. “The prim, proper, schoolteacher you mean?”

“Public persona.” He chuckled. “At least they know I made my way up through the ranks, my exploits are fairly public fodder.”

“Ah, I see.” Sitting up, she slid her sweater off and dropped it to the side before swinging one long leg over so she was straddling him, the dress riding up on her thighs as she braced herself with her hands on his shoulders. “I wanted to do this that night, y’know?”

”So why now?” He gently caressed her lower back. “You will note that I’m not complaining.”

“I don’t know.” Dropping her head, she rested her forehead against his, her hair falling to curtain their faces. “Frakking timing.”

“So, schoolteacher?” Bill moved his hands from her back to her bare legs.

“Oh. That.” Laura dropped her head back and laughed, the throaty laugh he secretly loved, but heard so rarely. “Let’s just say, it was a product of my upbringing. That being that I didn’t have a full scholarship to earn my degree, and working in a bar was relatively painless. Good money for shorter hours. If you knew how to work the system. It was a long time ago, and well, in total honesty, there’s not really anyone around who would know.”

”I see.” Reaching up, he pulled her head down to his again, kissing her deeply. “Saul seems to have changed his mind about you.”

“Because he brought me a drink tonight?” She curled onto his lap.

“That was courtesy. It’s because he drank with you tonight.” Tightening his arms around her, he absently began to stroke her back again, running his fingers up and down her spine in a light caress. “I saw you speaking with him.”

“Yes.” With a soft sigh, she closed her eyes. “We’ll…I don’t know if we’ll ever completely agree on things, but he kept us alive. He could be a bit…extreme, with his methods, but what he went through, in detention, losing his wife…Bill, he did what he had to.”

“Did you really slap him?” He chuckled softly as she lifted her head to look at him, eyes startled. “You frakking did, didn’t you.”

“Yes I frakking did.” Laura finally admitted with a lopsided smile, “And I couldn’t believe I’d done it. He’d just made some comment about not knowing if I had ice in my veins or if I was a naive little schoolteacher, and I don’t remember thinking, just staring at him afterwards. When it struck us both what I’d just done…I don’t know, I think I realized that I could understand more of why he did what he did, why he lashed out at them with the methods he used.”

“He couldn’t believe you’d actually hit him.” Bill traced her cheek. “I think that shocked him more than almost anything, at that point.”

”At that point.” She echoed softly, dropping her cheek back to his shoulder and nestling against him. “You know, I don’t know if Gaius was just an idiot or was living in his own fantasy land.”

“You did have Colonial One fumigated, didn’t you?” At the comment, she laughed. “I’m serious Madame President.”

“Of course we did.” Laura shuddered, “I know it was a waste of resources, but I burned the sheets personally. And as far as fumigating the other way, the team you sent over took care of any Cylon listening or tracking things that might have been planted. But, back to Gaius…when I was in detention after one of the suicide bombings, he continued to be emphatic about the fact that no one had been tortured, that detention was simply that, to detain us so information could be obtained. I asked him what about Saul, and he ignored me. Thought I was lying, and that I was the one controlling it all.” She fell silent for a long moment before continuing, while he gently stroked her back, feeling her struggle for control of her emotions. “He accused me, wanted me to look him in the eye, about the suicide bombers. It was one of the most frakking horrible feelings, to know that he was actually right about me, that I couldn’t look him in the eye…the only thing that managed to keep me sane at that moment was knowing that he didn’t have all the answers, that the only reason he’d come was to show me that for once, he was on the frakking moral high ground, and that by beating me down to accepting and endorsing the suicide missions, they were beating me, all of us.” She choked back a sob, turning her face into his neck.

”Shh, just let it out.” Bill tightened his arms around her, rocking her gently as she finally crumbled in his arms. “Laura, you survived. You and the others saved thousands. If it wasn’t the insurgents, the others wouldn’t have been able to keep going as long as they did. You did what you had to do, as they did. You used what you could, your teaching and writing…organizing, the others did what they could, using what they knew. You were all pushed to points beyond what you’d dreaded, to a point of where survival wasn’t just waking up the next morning, but living to the next minute.” As he felt her hot tears running down his neck, he twisted and kissed her temple. “Let it out…” When he finally felt her regain some control, he continued. “Laura, how many times…”

”Was I in detention?” She finished softly, anticipating the question. “Nine. For varying times and reasons. It was bright, harsh white light, and cold. It was a concrete block, rectangle, with a drain in the floor and windows they would watch you through. You were stripped and given a jumpsuit to wear, your shoes and anything else you’d come in with was taken away. When you were released, you got it back. Physically, I think Saul was treated the worst, although there were other…injuries. It was used as a tool of…not just punishment, but also of example. That we were not falling in line, so we were making it more difficult for everyone. They were masters of psychological torture…some of them. As you got to know them, it…they weren’t all in agreement, not even within the same models.”

“As with Sharon?” His thoughts turned to the model currently on his ship, one that they were starting to call ‘Athena’, to differentiate her from ‘Boomer’.

Laura hesitated a moment before answering, “somewhat. Athena seems to be committed to you, yet Boomer was too. And the few times I saw her, she didn’t seem, I don’t know, it’s all too frakking confusing. The Caprica’s were the most torn. Some of the models seemed more moderate, while others were more…warlike, had more of a ‘god complex’, I supposed you’d classify it as. The Brother…” she shuddered, unable to even say his name, “gods, he was sick. He was more like Gaius…but with a backbone, and the power to carry out his sick, twisted, sadistic desires all in the name of…I don’t know, in the name of his god? Although, the things he demanded…” She shuddered again.

“He didn’t…” Bill was unable to finish the thought as she trembled in his arms.

“No. Not him…me. Well, not…” She remained silent again, her internal struggle showing in the trembling he felt, until she spoke in a barely audible tone. “I think Saul knows.”

“Saul knows what?” He bent toward her ear, listening to her breathy whisper.

“Ellen. Came to see me one night.” Her breath caught. “I’d seen her going into the complex, I didn’t know she’d seen me. She woke me up…Gods, Bill, her face…she was trying to get Saul out, any way she could. She told me, she was only doing what she could, the only way she could, but it would be worth it if she could get Saul out of there…and once he was out, they’d both be together, and free. She couldn’t believe that it would be any other way. She wouldn’t listen to any reason that once he knew that she would do anything for Saul’s freedom and safety, she was lost.” Her hand clutched at his jacket. “All I could do was hold her. I went with her as she showered, she was in for so long…all she did was love Saul, I know they’d been through so much, but they were happy together again. But she didn’t make it…I think he knows what she did for him, and yet he’s still alive and she’s not…all because of that Frakking Brother…” She hit his chest, “and she wasn’t the only one…he was sick…he…the things he made…do…”

“Laura, he’s not here.” Bill wrapped his arms around her as she broke down again. “Shh…”

“Bill, we lost thousands on that frakking planet. We promised them we’d find Earth, and we lost them on that planet. We settled…and if it wasn’t for you…” Lifting her face finally, her voice trailed off as she realized he had tears running down his cheeks. “Bill…” one trembling hand reached up and attempted to wipe the tears away.

“Shh.” He reached up and mirrored her actions. “We’re on our way again. Battered and torn, but on our way. We still have a long way to go, and not just on our journey. “

“I know.” Leaning forward, she pressed her lips against his, tilting her head as his lips parted under hers. “It will never be simple again, will it,” she whispered as they finally parted.

“It hasn’t been for a long time.” Reclining back against the arm of the sofa, Bill resettled her against him as they lay there, watching the stars, the faint outlines of other ships in the distance. “But sometimes, sometimes perhaps we should take the moments to just be.”

“Hmm. That’s nice.” Laura smiled as she relaxed back, the solid, warm, male body behind her soothing the headache her sudden rush of emotions had brought on as he gently stroked her hair. “To just be.”

“To just be, Bill and Laura, watching the stars.” He murmured into her ear as she laced her fingers with his and sighed.

“Bill and Laura.” She toed her shoes off, listening as they softly thudded to the floor. “And the stars.” Resettling herself, she slowly relaxed into trying to be just Laura. A woman alone with a man she’d come to care for deeply, as they sleepily watched the destiny of the stars around the ships of their people. For just a short time, just to be.