Awakening

Laura jerked up with a gasp, the fragments of her dreams shattering around her as she blinked. Leaning over, she grabbed at the shelf, her hand finally finding her glasses and shoving them onto her face as she looked around the silent room. Bill. Where was Bill? CIC….her brain finally caught up to her, dampening down the remnants of her nightmare. He had an overnight watch in CIC, he’d told her at dinner. With a soft groan at the dizziness her sudden movement had caused, she collapsed back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling above the rack. Shivering slightly, she realized her nightgown was damp with sweat, and her body cooling rapidly as she’d thrown off the covers. “Frak…” Pulling her glasses off, she returned them to the shelf and blinked in the dim light.

With a groan, she carefully sat up again, slower this time, waiting only until her vision had cleared before sliding out of the rack, catching her balance before padding into the head. Seconds later, she was under the warm stream of water, her hastily discarded nightgown on the floor behind her. Leaning her head back so that her hair wouldn’t get wet, she let the damp heat soak through her aching body. Damned if she hadn’t realized how the diloxin wouldn’t only sap her strength and take her hair, but also seem to seep through her bones and joints, leaving a cold ache in its wake. That, combined with the nightmares the chamalla and other drugs seemed to bring on, left her tired, pale, and cold most of the time. She knew Bill suspected, and probably was more aware of how she felt physically than he let on, both of them letting the other maintain the illusion that she was handling the drugs better than the reality. She’d broken down the night that she’d realized her hair was falling out, when he’d found her in the observation deck…

A sob choked out of her as she rubbed her skin with the washcloth, she detested weakness, and even more so the weakness that was being forced upon her. She didn’t want to cling to him, to become a victim of the poison eating her from the inside out, she’d worked very hard and continued to work to not display the results of the battle inside her body, but it was only a matter of time…she continued to shed her hair, no matter how careful they were when brushing it out, and she knew Tory had been searching for a wig, the closest she’d come was a dark brown, almost black one, with straight hair that would go to just below her shoulders, no more long waves or curls, long enough to curtain them when she arched over…his hands running through the strands, pulling…as she clutched at his arms…

“Enough Roslin.” Another shuddering sob and she reached forward to turn the water off. Reaching out, she grabbed the towel and roughly dried off her skin, almost relishing the roughness against her skin. Wrapping it around her, she stepped out of the small stall and picked up her discarded nightgown, dropping it into the laundry bag as she opened the cabinet that held the small supply of clothes she kept in Bill’s quarters. Pulling out a blouse and her slacks, she rapidly dressed and re-hung the towel before padding out to the main room, grabbing one of Bill’s lighter fatigue jackets for warmth. Glancing at the clock, she swore under her breath again, biting her lower lip absently as she thought for a moment.

With a sigh, she slid her shoes on and opened the hatch, smiling slightly as the Marines outside swung to stare at her in surprise. “At ease, gentlemen. Just going for a walk.”

“Yes, ma’am.” They exchanged a glance and allowed her to pass them before falling into step behind her.

A few minutes later, she paused at the entrance to the CIC and looked back at them. “I’m planning on remaining up here for a while, you’re dismissed.”

“Um…” The taller one, Henries, she thought, cleared his throat. “We have orders…”

“I know.” She smiled at them. “Very well, will you still be following the Admiral’s orders if one of you takes a break, then the other? I think between the Admiral and the crew in CIC, I’ll be fine.”

They exchanged another glance before Henries reluctantly nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” When she raised an eyebrow, he gestured slightly to the other Marine. “Be back in twenty, Corporal.”

When he left with a sharp nod, Laura smiled. “Thank you Lieutenant. No need to inconvenience you with my nocturnal wanderings.”

“Not an inconvenience, Madame President.” He managed a slight smile. “And it’s our honor. Glad to see you up and about, no matter the hour.”

“Thank you.” With another smile, she continued into CIC, stepping lightly down to the main table and meeting Bill’s surprised gaze. “Morning.”

“Morning.” He nodded slowly, handing the report he’d been studying back to the crewmember at his side and moved around the console to join her. “You all right?” She managed a smile. “Nightmare?”

“Woke up.” Laura shrugged slightly, “couldn’t get back to sleep.”

Bill stared at her, detecting the slight smell of soap and noticing the tips of her hair were damp. A bad enough nightmare that she’d woken up and taken a shower before joining him. “Nice to have your company.”

She smiled, relieved that he wasn’t going to press the point. “So, what’s going on up here?”

“A few minor readings here and there,” he nodded to the Dradis monitor. “We’ve been shifting the positions of some of the ships in the fleet. One of the Lieutenants had an idea, of seeing if the fuel consumption changed in any of the ships based on the configurations as we continue. So, we’re rotating several to see if it’s a viable solution to saving some tyrellium.”

“Like birds…drafting off the leaders.” Laura nodded. “That makes sense, but in space, with no air…”

It’s a theory, we’re looking into it.” He paused as another ship shifted location on the monitor. “It doesn’t cost us any fuel, and if it ends up being more efficient on both fuel as well as wear and tear on the ships, it might be worth it.”

“And you’re doing it during the sleep cycle, since it limits the number of people that might question it.” She lifted a hand. “Don’t deny it, Admiral.”

“Guilty as charged.” Bill chuckled. “Coffee?”

“Yes, please.” Watching as he crossed to the small alcove, Laura leaned back against the console, her eyes moving from his retreating back to the sweep around the quiet room. It was almost a luxury to be up here and not in the midst of an attack, or dealing with an issue…at this hour of the morning, it was busily peaceful. Not at rest, CIC would never be, but all the personnel quietly busy with responsibilities, either maintaining their status quo, or preparing their area for the following shift. When a warm cup was placed in her hand, she blinked, surprised. “Oh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Watching as she sipped at it, her eyes still wandering around the CIC, Bill leaned a hip against the console. She still looked beautiful, despite the now too frequent haunted look in her eyes, the pain she tried to hide from him, both physical and mental. He loved her, and knew she loved him, no matter that she couldn’t seem to tell him. He understood that last part of her that she withheld from him, her protective shield…one she’d lower only when she was able. She’d been hurt so much, yet was so strong…he understood the fact that it was her independence and passion for what she believed was her path that kept her from saying the words. She might not even realize it, believing that what she felt was a deep caring for him and that if she never said the words…if she died, it wouldn’t hurt as much. She’d loved her parents and her sisters…and they’d died, a part of her dying with each of them, she knew how Zak’s death had impacted him…so therefore…

“You’re staring, Admiral.” Laura tilted her head as she watched him, a slight flush running up his cheeks.

“Guilty as charged.” He chuckled, “hazard of the shift, I’m afraid.”

“Navel gazing?” Taking another sip, she raised her eyebrows mischievously.

“I like the look.” He let his eyes wander her form. “Casual day? Or is this your salute to the military.”

“Oh.” Absently, her hand wandered to the collar of the fatigue jacket she’d grabbed. “I was…it was just…”

Bill leaned forward toward her ear. “I like seeing you wear it. It’s yours any time you need it.” At her almost shy downcast smile, he chuckled softly. It was true, too. He did like seeing her in something with his name on it. Not proprietarily, but just the fact that she was comfortable enough, even in the early hours of the morning, to wear something of his in public. The crew knew, it was a deceptively small enough community on the ship, but he also knew they now considered her one of theirs, and would protect her, another aspect of their relationship he hadn’t really revealed to her, but knew was tacitly understood.

“Thank you.” Laura glanced up at him through her lashes as she took another sip of coffee.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled at her for a moment before returning his attention to the readings on the console in front of him.

“Any results from the testing yet?” She moved to his side and followed his gaze down to the readings.

“Yeah.” He pointed to a row of numbers. “Those are the readings from last week over the same time frame.”

“Okay.” Adjusting her glasses, Laura nodded.

“And these are the ones from the test time frame tonight.” He gazed at them. “Interesting.”

“No impact on the smaller ships,” her finger touched a number. “Fairly substantial on the three larger ones however.”

“Could bear some further research.” As a young man walked up, he glanced at him. “Good work Lieutenant.”

“Thank you sir.” He grinned and handed a folder to Bill. “Here’s the hard copy of the numbers, and really, it was just one of those random thoughts.”

“This was your suggestion?” At Laura’s soft voice, his eyes widened.

“Uh. Yes, Madam President.” He swallowed nervously. “I’m sorry ma’am, didn’t see you there.”

“Madam President,” Bill turned toward her, a slight grin on his face. “May I present Lieutenant Graves?”

“Lieutenant,” Laura nodded at him. “How did you come up with the concept?”

“Well,” he swallowed again and glanced at Bill, who nodded in encouragement. “Uh, I was looking at some pictures from home, of a camping trip my family had taken, and saw several flocks of birds in one of them…my mind was wandering, we’d been talking about the fuel situation, and well…it just sort of occurred to me. So, I got with a few others and we started throwing around theoretical scenarios, and, when we got some information, brought it to the Admiral.”

“Had you studied flight technology?” As he’d described what he’d done, Laura had noticed the young man’s eyes lighting up.

“Yes Ma’am, applied theoretical flight and aeronautics.” He shrugged, “just glad to put it to use.”

“And we appreciate it.” She smiled.

“I’d like to run some additional tests tomorrow night, get some firm patterns established.” Bill handed the folder back to the Lieutenant.

“Yes sir.” Graves nodded at them. “I’ll get right on it.”

“Lieutenant Graves?” Laura’s voice stopped him and he turned around to look at her. “Thank you.”

“Thank you, Madam President.” He grinned before turning and continuing on his way to the top level of the CIC.

“I’m glad he spoke up.” Bill watched him go before returning his attention to Laura. “Feel like a walkabout?”

“If you can leave CIC, that would be nice.” She knew he occasionally toured the ship on his late night shifts, but hadn’t been sure if he could tonight.

“Yeah. I need to check on something on the hangar deck anyway.” Taking her empty cup, he returned it to the alcove before going to speak to Hoshi, turning over command for the time he was out of the CIC. Returning to her side, he bent toward her, “Hoshi needs the hours and experience in command anyway.”

“Hmm.” With a slight smile, she fell in step with him as they left CIC.

“The President and I will be doing a walkabout.” He nodded at her guard, still waiting by the door for her. “You’re dismissed for the evening, Corporal.”

“Yes sir.” With a sharp salute, he watched them move down the corridor before striding off in the opposite direction to find the other guard and relay the message.

“You’ll let me know if you get tired?” Taking her arm, Bill glanced at her.

“Yes sir.” Resting her hand on his arm, she squeezed it lightly. “I’m fine for now.”

“Good.” They fell into a comfortable silence as they wandered along the corridor, her head slowly coming to rest on his shoulder.

“I wonder how many other people have potentially helpful thoughts that are afraid, or unaware of how to get them to us.” She finally broke the silence.

“I’d like to think we’ve maintained open lines of communication, but we both know that we have staffs that like to review and pass along only what they think we’d like to review.” He sighed. “Hopefully, anyone with ideas that are beneficial are either being passed along to us, or they’re tenacious enough to continue to attempt to get them to us.”

“Hmm.” Laura sighed softly. “We need to get the Quorum to pass along ideas and concepts, as well as making sure the ships captains also have a forum to get information to us.”

“You at least have made inroads by visiting their ships when possible.” Turning his head, he smiled at her. “Politician.”

“That aspect comes from working with professors and educators at multiple school systems, each believing that their school is the most important, creative, and proactive with educational concepts and programs.” She giggled.

“And you made them all happy, and kept them feeling that they were the most important, didn’t you.” Bill chuckled.

“When I could.” Laura shook her head, remembering. “Usually, I just had to remind them that it was all about the children, wasn’t it? And that usually worked. When it didn’t, we talked.”

“You talked, they listened?” He tightened his grip on her arm as they went down a short set of stairs.

“Sometimes.” Blinking in the suddenly bright light of the hangar bay, Laura paused. “You go on, I’m just going to wait here.”

“Tired?” Concerned, he looked at her.

“No, but you have business.” She wrinkled her nose at him as she perched on a table set against the wall. “And, I like to just watch what happens down here. So many different things happening at the same time, it’s like a finely honed machine sometimes, and at other times utter controlled chaos, or not so controlled.” Settling, she crossed her legs and leaned back on her hands. “I enjoy watching it sometimes. It’s fascinating.”

“Fascinating.” He looked dubious. She found watching what happened on the hangar bay fascinating. Just when he thought he might have another part of her figured out, she threw something new at him. “You’ll be all right?”

“I’ll be fine.” She jerked her head. “Go, Admiral. I’ll watch you work.”

“At your bidding, Madam President.” With another nod, he turned and crossed to find the Crew Chief.

Laura watched him go from her shadowed perch before her gaze moved to where a team was refitting a viper. In truth, she did enjoy watching the activity in front of her, but she was also physically tired, and the aches she’d showered out were returning. Perhaps when they returned to their stroll, she could maneuver them past Sick Bay to pick up some sort of minor pain killer. Without Cottle there, she might even manage to get in and out without a lecture on proper sleep cycles helping with the pain. As the Crew Chief led Bill to a viper, she craned her neck, watching them gesture and then bend to inspect something underneath the main frame. Boys and their toys…she giggled softly.

“Madam President.” At the surprised voice, she turned to meet the eyes of a startled crewmember, clad in the orange jumpsuit. “I’m sorry…did you need…”

“Just waiting for the Admiral.” Laura smiled. “We were doing a walkabout following reviewing some recent data, he needed to meet with the Crew Chief, I enjoy watching what you all do from here.”

“Oh.” The girl, who reminded her of Cally Tyrol, blinked. “Okay then….”

“So, can you tell me what’s going on out there?” Laura indicated the bay with a sweep of her hand. “If you’ve the time.”

“Yes ma’am. I’m just coming back from break…” She took a breath. “Um, the three teams over there, they’re working on some of the vipers that came back damaged.” Pointing to another group of people working around some raptors, she continued. “Those are being cleaned, re-stocked, and re-fueled for tomorrow…well, later today, the surveys. And the rest of us are just doing the basics, cleaning, making sure all the supplies are stocked for the day shifts, any heavy metal repairs are done during this shift, since we sometimes need more power, and by doing it during the sleep shift, we don’t pull from areas that might need it.”

“Heavy metal repairs?” Laura lifted an eyebrow.

“Yes ma’am. Things that need welding, or to be completely rebuilt.” She grinned. “When we need to get creative on fixing things, or need to construct things.”

“Thank you, Crewman…” She let her voice trail off.

“Oh, sorry, Madam President.” Wiping her hand on her orange coveralls, she extended it. “Petty Officer Helen Dreydes.”

Laura took the offered hand and shook it. “Thank you Petty Officer Dreydes, I appreciate your taking the time to fill me in. It always amazes me how many different things you do down here, all working together like a finely tuned machine.”

Helen laughed softly. “It may appear that way, ma’am, but we have our bungles and mistakes as much as anyone else. We just have to make sure they get fixed immediately, so that the vipers and raptors can get back out safely. It’s a good challenge, and I like the variety of this shift…I know what we do impacts what happens when I’m in my rack, or in the gym, and that they can depend that what we’re doing each night makes things happen correctly and safely.” She sighed, “well, as much as we can.”

“On behalf of the fleet, I thank all of you.” Laura smiled. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. But, your crew is the one that makes things happen for all of us. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Helen glanced over her shoulder at a call. “I’ve got to go. A pleasure, Madam President.”

“Likewise.” Watching the woman move off at a jog, Laura tucked her legs up underneath her and pushed herself back so she was leaning against the wall. So much happened at night…that they were so dependent upon, she’d have to remember that this crew was down here every night, next time she was stuck in a Quorum meeting until all hours. Watching them, she let her mind wander.

“Laura?” Bill grinned as she blinked and focused on him. He’d had to call her name twice as she appeared lost in thought, watching the crew working. “Ready?”

“Oh, yes.” Untangling her legs, she pushed herself to the edge of the table, smiling as he grasped her waist and lifted her down. “Thank you.”

“Welcome.” As she caught her balance, he raised an eyebrow. “Sure you weren’t asleep?”

”No, just watching.” Linking her hand with his, she smiled at him. “I had a nice conversation with one of your Petty Officers, she told me a bit about what they do down there on her shift.”

“Ah. Making new friends.” As she elbowed him, he winced. “What?”

“No politician jokes.” Laura shook her head. “Can we swing by Sick Bay?”

“What’s wrong?” Stopping, he pulled her around to face him. “Laura?”

“Stop it.” After a quick glance both ways down the corridor to make sure they were alone, she rested her hands on his chest. “I’m fine. Just a bit of a headache. Want to get some painkillers.”

“And avoid the lecture you’d get from Cottle later today when you’d go in for them.” He bent and kissed her forehead. “Let’s go.”

A few minutes later, they were walking into Sick Bay, Laura letting out a resigned sigh as a familiar back registered. “Frak…” she murmured under her breath, earning a soft chuckle from Bill.

“Well, well.” Cottle turned to greet them and paused. “Madam President, Admiral.”

“Don’t you ever sleep?” Laura muttered.

“Could say the same.” He jerked his head toward a cubicle. “Go.”

“I just need…” As he raised an eyebrow, she sighed. “Yes sir.” Continuing to the cubicle, she pulled Bill along with her. “Sit. I have to go through this, you do too.”

“So, Madam President.” Cottle followed them in and pulled the curtain shut behind him. “What’s wrong?”

“I just have a bit of a headache.” She perched on the edge of the bed and smiled up at him.

“And?” He waited.

After a long moment, she sighed. “And, some aches in my joints. But that’s probably just getting older. And I did sleep some, just woke up and didn’t feel like going back to sleep. Tory has me scheduled for a break midday so I can catch up on my rest if needed. I think that was under your direction?”

“Indeed it was.” He crossed his arms and eyed her. “Anything else?”

“Nothing new.” Laura wrapped the jacket tighter around her and crossed her arms. “The same, cold, my hair…well, I’d rather not get into that right now.” When Bill reached up and rubbed her arm, she glanced down at him and smiled slightly. “So, just something for my headache?”

“On the condition you go back to your quarters and get some rest. Doesn’t have to be sleep, but rest.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small bottle. “Not chamalla, but, take two. Hold on to the rest in case you need them later.”

“Thank you.” Taking the bottle, she slipped it into her pocket. “Anything else?”

“Not now.” Cottle glanced at Bill before facing her again. “Next appointment, plan on six hours. I want to do a treatment and some tests.”

“Fine. I’ll let Tory know.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Again, anything else?”

“Get out of here.” He jerked his head and waited as she passed him before catching Bill’s arm. “Call me if she gets worse.”

“Stop talking behind my back.” Laura called. “I can hear you.”

“Will do.” Bill murmured at Cottle and followed Laura. “Ready to head back?”

“Yes.” Catching his hand again, she sighed. “Suppose we should. Want to tuck me in before you head back to CIC?”

“That an offer Roslin?” He grinned at her.

“Sounds like one Adama.” Laura winked at him. “And you know you just want to make sure I take two of these then head to bed.”

“Back to bed.” Bill corrected softly. “You want me to call Saul…”

“No…” That would be needing him. Which led her right back to where her thoughts had been several hours earlier, about needing him making her weak, which made her…With a sigh, she stopped and turned to face him. “I don’t want you to…but…”

“You don’t need to say it Laura.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. “You do know you’re one of the strongest people I know. But sometimes, even you need…and I’ve needed you.” Leaning forward he kissed her gently. “Let me call Saul.”

“If…if it will make you feel better.” She stared at the collar of his uniform, her fingers absently rubbing the material.

“It will.” Bill stated quietly. “Let’s go.” His hand resting on the small of her back, he led her silently back to his quarters. “I’ll be right there.”

”Kay.” Laura glanced over her shoulder at him as he moved to the phone, pausing to listen to him asking Saul to head up to CIC a few hours early, as something he’d eaten had disagreed with him. “I hate that you’re lying for me.”

“It’s all right.” Catching up with her, he gently tugged at her jacket. “All for a good cause. We’ll let him know when it’s right.”

“I’m sure he suspects.” Letting him take the jacket, she watched him return it to the closet as she unbuttoned her blouse. Five minutes later, she was curled on her side, watching as he washed his face.

“You take the medicine?” He called from the head.

“Yes.” Laura sighed. “Two, as directed.”

“Good.” He shut off the light in the head and moved to join her, the only light in the room from the dim lamp in the corner. “Tired?”

“A bit.” Waiting until he was settled, she carefully rested her head on his arm, his other arm sliding around her waist as she nestled into him. “Bill…”

“Laura?” As her fingers twisted into his tanks, he looked down at the top of her head.

“I just…” She sighed. “I…”

“I know Laura.” He kissed the top of her head. “I know.”

“Thank you.” Laura closed her eyes and sighed softly. All her life, she’d thought that needing someone made her weak…or a victim of sorts. However, with Bill…she only felt stronger. A confusing feeling. Gods help her…she couldn’t do this now…she couldn’t let herself fall…any farther…with a soft whimper, she nestled closer to him, an unseen tear sliding along her cheek and onto his chest as he tightened his arms around her, sliding into the darkness together.