Aurora Silenced

At the sound of the hatch clicking shut, Laura Roslin glanced over to see her aide standing just inside, her face pale. Returning her attention to the press seated in front of her, she smiled at them. “So any more questions about the refueling?” As a hand shot up, she realized Tory had moved to her side, a piece of paper in her trembling hand. “One moment…” She held up an apologetic hand and glanced down at the paper. When the message it contained registered, she stared at Tory, her free hand dropping to grasp the podium as the press waited. “When…”

“It just came in.” Tory whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m so sorry…”

“Thank you.” Laura managed a weak smile and closed her eyes for a moment before returning her attention to the men and women in front of her. Facing them, she took a deep breath. “I hope you’ll understand if I defer on the last question.” She nodded apologetically at the man who’d had his hand up. “But, I have…” She took another deep breath. “I’ve just received news. One of the Galactica’s pilots…was just…lost.” Her hand tightened on the podium. “We don’t have any additional information, but Captain Kara Thrace was flying a mission, there was a report of a Cylon raider,” when a murmur ran through the room, she shook her head. “It’s unsubstantiated. However, Captain Thrace’s viper exploded.” She stared at the room, the faces staring back at her in shock. “We’ll have more news to you as soon as we can. That’s all for now.” Turning on her heel, she strode out the door, throwing a glance at another aide and jerking her head back toward the press. Knowing he’d take care of them, she stopped in the corridor and faced Tory.

“Lee was flying with her today?” At the soft question, Tory nodded. “Very well. I’ll be remaining on board Galactica in my guest quarters. I want you to go back to Colonial One, prepare a press release as we get more information. Call me here if you need anything, I’ll let the CIC know I’ll be in my guest quarters overnight.”

“Yes ma’am.” Tory whispered, then opened her mouth to say something else, but shook her head instead. “Madame President, I’m so sorry…”

“Thank you.” Laura nodded down the corridor. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yes ma’am.” Tory turned and left as Laura watched her. When she disappeared around the corner, Laura turned on her heel and moved to a nearby hatch.

“Give me a minute.” Meeting her escort’s eyes, she paused a moment before opening the hatch and stepping through. As soon as the hatch closed she leaned against the door, her head resting against it as she let the tears fall. “Frak…frak…frak…” Pulling off her glasses, she sank down to a crouch, her arms wrapped around her legs as she buried her face in her knees. “Not Kara…Gods why…” A few minutes later she struggled to her feet and crossed to the sink. Staring at her reflection, she took a deep breath, preparing, her mind racing.

By the time she returned to the corridor, she’d formulated a weak plan. Knowing the Admiral, he was maintaining a tight control in CIC until he could turn it over to Tigh….but Lee… “Hangar deck.” She directed softly, her escorts falling in step with her as she strode away. Entering the strangely silent bay, she glanced around, noting the single viper that everyone’s attention was directed to. “Chief?” Stopping next to Tyrol, she touched his arm.

“He’s just sitting there.” He glanced at her, “Madame President.”

“Where’s Sam?” She met his gaze. “Does he know?”

“Racetrack took some of the pilots…” Tyrol’s gaze returned to the viper. “They’ll take care of him.”

“How long has Apollo been in?” Laura followed his gaze.

“Half an hour.” He winced. “We went to get him out, it didn’t…”

“I see.” She took a breath. “May I?”

“Ma’am?” Tyrol looked back at her.

“May I approach the viper?” She clarified.

“Um…” he glanced at her escorts, who nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Thank you.” Slowly, Laura approached the stair unit that had been pushed up to the side of the viper, absently being thankful that she’d worn pants today, a thought that seemed rather trivial, given the circumstances. Carefully climbing, she waited until she was level with Lee to stop and look at his face. “Commander?” At the lack of response, she took another step up, bracing her hip against the railing so she could face him. “Captain Apollo?” His eyes closed. “Lee…look at me.” When he refused to move, she took a deep breath. “Lee. Give me your eyes.” At the familiar command but from an unexpected voice, he flinched but obediently opened his eyes and stared at her. “Oh, Lee…” She breathed out, appalled at the empty depths. “Gods…Lee.”

“She said…” he croaked out, “She said…she wasn’t afraid anymore.” His gaze moved back to stare aimlessly across the bay. “To let her go…”

Laura shook her head slowly, trying to understand what he was saying. “She wasn’t afraid?”

“I don’t know. She was there, and then she wasn’t. There was an explosion.” Lee stated flatly. “I tried to follow her, to get to her.”

“I know you did.” Reaching out, she tentatively rested a hand on his, still clenched on the controls. “Lee, we know you did.”

“I couldn’t get to her.” His head dropped to his chest. “She said…”

“Lee, it’s all right…you need to get out of the viper now.” Laura moved her hand to gently stroke his hair. “It’s all right. We’ll get through this.” She glanced at the door, where she saw Dualla entering the bay. “You did what you could…we’ll look at the tapes later, but you need to get out of the viper now. Dee’s here, she’s going to take you home…”

“I need to do the debrief…” He shook his head. “She’s gone…”

“I know.” Laura leaned down, her voice dropping. “Lee, I know. Dualla’s here to take you home. She can help you with the debriefing…”

“I can’t face him…” Lee’s voice cracked. “I can’t…I lost her…He’ll never…”

“Lee.” Laura gently used a finger to lift his chin so she could meet his eyes. “Yes, he’ll be upset…we’ve all lost Kara. But, you came home. And if you hadn’t…” She shook her head slowly, a tear slowly running down her cheek. “Lee, we’ll get through this. We will. We have to. And you have to understand…if we’d lost you both…we wouldn’t…”

“I lost her…” He bowed his head, shoulders shaking as she bent over him, gently murmuring in his ear. When he finally recovered enough to raise his head, she straightened slightly.

“Better?” She managed a weak smile, using her thumb to wipe the tears off his face before swiping the back of her hand across her own cheeks.

“For a few minutes.” Lee muttered, glancing past her to look at the hangar, the area now conspicuously empty except Dualla. “Thank you Madame…” he paused at her raised eyebrow. “Laura.”

“You’re welcome.” Sitting up, she gingerly eased back onto the stair unit. “Now, however, I’ll leave you in Dualla’s capable hands.”

“Laura.” Reaching out he caught her hand. “She wasn’t afraid. Tell him?”

“I’ll tell him.” Catching her breath, she bit her lip and hesitated a moment before slowly climbing back down the stairs.

“Thank you Madame President.” Dualla stepped forward, gazing up at Lee as he slowly climbed out of the viper. “Are you all right?”

“Fine, thank you.” Laura managed a weak smile. “Be…understanding?”

“She meant a lot to us all.” She responded softly.

“Yes,” Laura started moving away from the viper. “She did.”

“Madame President?” One of her escorts held out a piece of cloth.

“Oh. Thank you.” Absently, she accepted it and pressed it against her face.

“You’re welcome.” Entering a corridor, they led her past the intersection to CIC. “The Admiral has gone off shift.”

“Thank you.” As they made their way to his quarters, Laura absently noted the lack of people in the corridors. No matter where she normally went on Galactica, there always seemed to be some sort of a hustle and bustle, one she’d come to associate with the ship, no matter the hour. But today, when the corridors should be filled with personnel coming and going, it felt almost deserted. Rounding the corner, she hesitated at the sight of an empty corridor.

“We received word he’s on his way.” One of her escorts explained softly before she could ask. “We will be taking over the watch from them, and notified them that we’ll be relieving them when they arrive. The military…it was what we could do.”

“I see.” She glanced up at him. “Thank you.” When they stopped at his hatch, she slowly opened the door. Glancing around the dimly lit room, she paused only to pour herself a glass of ambrosia before she crossed to the couch and slipped out of her shoes, sinking into the leather as she absently pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and tucked it around her as she settled in.

Sipping at the ambrosia, her thoughts wandered to the last time she’d seen Kara. She’d thought that Kara looked, there wasn’t really a single word for it, but Kara’s face when they’d passed her in the corridor had been a mix of stress, confusion, and…sadness maybe? She couldn’t figure out what it was, and had made a mental note to contact Kara to see about having one of their rare lunches, and now…Bill however, had stopped their conversation and turned to hail Starbuck…

“If only.” Laura raised her glass and gazed at the liquid in the light. “To Starbuck.” She whispered, then drained the glass in one swallow. Carefully setting the glass to the side, she settled down to wait, staring across the dim room, her mind filling with memories as tears trickled unnoticed down her cheeks.

Adama moved slowly toward his quarters, his fingers aching as he flexed them. Spending almost an hour methodically hitting the punching bag had tired his body, but his mind was still filled with images of Kara…from meeting her before Zak’s funeral to the last time he’d seen her in the corridor. Rounding the corner, he paused, focusing on the men standing on either side of his hatch. “Gentlemen?”

“We’re to relieve your guard, sir.” One of them, Benjamin, he thought, spoke softly. “It’s been arranged with your security team.”

“I see.” He glanced at the men following him, reading their eyes. “Dismissed.” Waiting until they’d left, he returned his attention to the men at his hatch. “How long has she been waiting?”

“We arrived just over an hour ago.” Benjamin stated softly. “Sir…”

“Thank you.” With a curt nod, he opened the hatch and stepped through, shutting it quietly behind him and locking it. Scanning the room, he saw Laura curled up on the end of the couch, her head resting on the arm as she slept, an empty glass sitting on the table next to her, dried tears streaking down her pale cheeks. Unfastening his jacket, he automatically continued to the sleeping area, where he hung it up in the closet, then stepped into the head and shaved. After patting his face dry, he returned to the living area and switched on his music player, pausing to look down at Laura, still sleeping, before he seated himself at the table where he’d left the ship out, waiting for the figurehead Kara had given him. Picking up the small figurine, he eyed it carefully then picked up a brush.

Laura watched him concentrating on his ship, a soft gasp emerging at the broken look in his eyes as he focused on the small figurine of Aurora that Kara had given him. When his eyes moved toward her, she stirred slightly then sighed as if sinking into sleep. After a moment, she peeked through her lashes again, relaxing as she saw him return his attention to the ship. She’d woken a few minutes earlier when he’d turned on music and had wanted to take time to assess his state of mind.

If he’d wanted to talk, he would have woken her, so the fact that he hadn’t simply meant that he wasn’t ready. Yet. Watching him place the figurine on the front of the ship, she bit her lower lip absently at his expression as he stared at it for several long silent minutes. When he finally moved, so suddenly she wasn’t prepared for it at all, it was to pound his fists into the ship he’d been working on for years, destroying all the care and attention he’d poured into each and every tiny detail, the minutia of trivia he’d spoken to her about each and every aspect of the ship. All destroyed and swept to cover the floor in pieces in a matter of seconds as he crumbled in front of her.

“Gods…” Not sure if it was a prayer or a curse, Laura uncurled her legs and staggered slightly as she stood, the blanket falling to the floor behind her as she crossed to the chair. “Bill…oh Gods…Bill…” Wrapping her arms around him, she pressed her cheek against his hair as he automatically turned to her, both of them sliding to the floor as he sobbed in her arms, tears rolling down his cheeks and falling against her. “Bill, it’s all right…shh…just let it out…” As he continued to sob, clutching her, Laura felt her own tears return as they just sat and rocked each other, holding on to each other as she brokenly crooned some almost forgotten lullaby into his ear.

When he finally stilled, she closed her eyes, resting her cheek on his, her lips close to his ear. “She loved you. You know that.” He shuddered in her arms. “Bill…I spoke to Lee.” At that, he raised his head slightly, eyes bloodshot and still filled with tears. “He…he said…that Kara…Kara said, she wasn’t afraid anymore.” Laura took a shaky breath. “That she wanted him to let her go.”

Bill closed his eyes for a moment as her words registered, then opened to gaze emptily again. “He was screaming for her.” Reaching up, he pushed her hair behind her ear so he could see her face. “Gods…I thought I’d lost them both…he was screaming for her, and then there was nothing.” She reached up and clutched his hand, holding it between them, both of them clinging to each other seeking strength. “I thought they were both gone…both at once. I was yelling for both of them…he must have pulled up at the last second…I thought I’d lost them both…I couldn’t…I don’t know…”

“He’s with Dee.” Laura finally murmured when he lapsed into silence, punctuated with occasional shudders. “Sam’s with the pilots, Tyrol will watch out for him…”

“Gods, Laura…so many times I frakking yelled at her, didn’t spend enough time with her.” He dropped his head against hers again. “She was pushed into so much, so fast, I should have spent more time with her…with everything that had been happening in the last few years…I should have spent more time…and then after New Caprica…she wouldn’t let anyone…” his voice trailed off. “Anyone except you.” When she remained silent, he released the hand she still clung to and slid his arm around her, pulling her against him. “Laura…” She shook her head slightly.

“Bill, she was the daughter you…” her voice broke. “Frak it all, Bill…she fought so hard…everything we threw at her, everything we asked of her…everything she did…”

His eyes closed, remembering Kara’s face…the first time he’d met her, then after the funeral…arriving on Galactica, unrepentant in the brig after Saul had sent her there…in physical therapy when he’d told her she wasn’t ready for battle…in the rain on Kobol…when he’d asked, ordered her to the Pegasus…and the resulting request about Cain…when she’d asked to go to New Caprica…then after…Kara with Sam…arguing with Lee…facing down Saul… ”she did it with passion.” Laura nodded slightly, her face buried against his neck. “She loved you too, you know that.”

“I know.” She whispered. “We…Gods, can you imagine two more unlikely people? There were so many sides to her though, she just wanted…to know what she wanted. She’d come to my tent, or later Colonial One, and we would just sit and talk. Sometimes we would sit…other times I’d meet her here…”

“The times you’d dismiss your guards?” He guessed quietly. “Do I want to know what the two of you did during those times?”

“It was between us.” Laura raised her head slightly. “I’ll show you sometime though. Sometime. Suffice it to say, we learned a lot about and from each other.”

“We lost our little girl.” Bill’s voice cracked as he tightened his arms around her, tears starting to fall again.

“We did, didn’t we.” Shifting around, Laura clung to him again as they held each other through another storm of tears, this time ending as they rested against the table, the tears edging off into soft hiccups.

“Stay?” His thumb rubbing through the trail of tears on one cheekbone, his voice rumbled through her. “It’s late.”

“Already dealt with.” Eyes closed, she tilted her head toward his touch. “My guard…should have relieved yours, so they could go be with…”

”That’s right.” He nodded slightly, remembering his arrival to his quarters. “I forgot.”

“You need…” Laura lifted her head, inspecting his face for a long moment before reaching up and gently taking off his glasses. Reaching above her, she placed them on the table, pushing them safely away from the edge. “You shaved. Of course you did.” Her lips twitched slightly in spite of the devastated look in her eyes. “Bill, you need a shower then we’ll go to bed.”

“I’ll take the couch, you can have…” Bill broke off his statement as her finger rested on his lips.

“I’ll take care of it.” Carefully, she climbed to her feet, staggering slightly from the cramped feeling in her legs and held out a hand. “Come along.” When he slowly but obediently stood, taking her hand, Laura waited until they’d both regained their balance before leading him toward the back of his quarters. “Take your shower, Bill.”

“Laura…” Stopping next to the rack, he faced her, one hand still in hers, the other lifting to trace her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for sharing her.” Leaning forward she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. When she leaned back, she watched him step back and automatically reach for his robe and sleeping attire. “Go. You’ll feel…not better, but it will help.” With a nod, he turned and entered the bathing area.

As the door shut behind him, Laura’s knees buckled and she sank down on the edge of the rack, closing her eyes for a long moment while she heard the faint sound of water start. Taking a deep breath, she slowly stood back up and reached for the low drawer he’d given her to leave some clothes in for the rare times she was able to utilize the Galactica’s gym. Pulling out one of the light shirts and pants she’d found, she hesitated only a moment, listening for the water, and changed quickly, wincing at the wrinkled condition of her suit. Hanging it in the closet, she pulled on a pair of socks and padded out to the living area, pausing only to refold the blanket she’d been using and return it to the couch before stepping around the remains of the ship to pick up the small figure of Aurora, which had broken in two when it had landed on the deck. “Kara…” she whispered, a tear running down her cheek again as she placed the two pieces carefully on the desk. Picking up the remainder of the ship’s wreckage, she set it on the desk, it was damaged, but hopefully not past repair…no matter how long it would take him, if he could face the ship again.

As the water shut off in the bathroom, she walked to the bookshelf, running a finger along the titles until she found what she was looking for. Pulling the worn volume out and carrying it back to the rack, she paused only to pour a glass of water, bringing it with her as well. By the time the door to the bathing area opened, she was settled in the rack, propped up against the bulkhead with pillows, the covers turned back. “Better?”

“Slightly.” Leaving his hair damp, he tossed the towel he’d been drying his hair with back onto a counter and edged past the rack. “It’s late, and the CIC would have let me know if they needed me for anything by now. You shouldn’t be disturbed…I’ll get up to get the comm….”

“Bill.” Laura took a breath, “you won’t get a peaceful night’s sleep…”

“Laura.” He shook his head.

“Don’t start.” She pulled back the covers slightly. “Lie down.” She met his eyes levelly, “I need you to hold me, and you need me to hold you. That’s all tonight is. She was ours…” When he closed his eyes briefly, dropping his chin imperceptibly, she knew he’d conceded. “Please…”

With a sigh, he sank down on the edge of the rack and gingerly lay back, swinging his legs up as she guided him to lie against her, his head resting against her chest, her arm around his shoulder and resting on his chest. When she lifted the book in her other hand, he glanced up at her. “You want me to…”

“No.” The hand on his chest pressed lightly against him. “This time it’s my turn.”

”Laura…” Bill began, as she shook her head again.

“My turn.” She repeated softly. “Close your eyes, Bill.” Looking down at him, she waited until he’d obeyed and lifted the book, the hand on his chest now slowly absently caressing with gentle strokes. “Searider Falcon. Chapter One.”