Variation 16: Good Night

With a lingering kiss to her slumbering lover’s brow, Laura Roslin carefully eased from his embrace and went in search of her clothing. Leaving wasn’t what she wanted to do, wasn’t what Bill wanted either, but she really didn’t have much of a choice.

As it was, she had already stayed later than she should have, waiting until exhaustion took her dear admiral into his dreams, and it was tempting to stay longer still, to sleep the night away snuggled in his warmth. She really missed the freedom to do that. It was such a simple thing really, sleeping together, but the fleet…

Laura, heading to the lavatory with her retrieved blouse and undergarments in hand, glanced back over at the one comfort the gods had given her in the universe. He could be so damned Intimidating when he was awake and in uniform, but right now, he was anything but. He looked peaceful, stretched out on his side beneath the tangled sheets, an arm thrown across where she’d just been, the other curled behind his head, his legs bent at the perfect angle to fit behind hers.

Tempting. It was very, very tempting to go back and put herself in the cradle of his body. He was so frakking comfortable, his stature and bulk the complete opposite of the tall, lean lovers that dotted her past. So was their relationship.

Rarely in the past had she spent the night with a lover, preferring to keep some distance, because mornings could be so awkward, because she hadn’t wanted to get quite that close. But with Bill she wanted that closeness and most mornings with him had been incredibly easy, proving him different than the others in more than his physique. And, gods, was he warm, the perfect remedy for the coldness that sometimes seeped into her bones out here amongst the stars. She was fairly certain that the only reason she’d survived many cold nights on New Caprica was because he’d come down to keep her warm.

My personal spaceheater, she mused as she forced herself to tear her eyes from him and retreat to the lavatory to redress and put herself in presentable order for the journey back to Colonial One.

Laura considered making a quick run through the shower but decided against it and only cleaned up what was necessary. If she couldn’t sleep with him, she would at least carry his scent to her bed. It probably wasn’t a smart thing to do, but she doubted her marines would notice — but even if they did, she didn’t think they would find it out of the ordinary. It wasn’t exactly the first time she’d left his quarters smelling of him, and probably sex. The soldiers never said a word, though, and for that Laura was more grateful than she would ever be able to convey.

Neither she nor Bill could afford for the fleet to find out that they were more than colleagues. It didn’t matter that they were adult enough to separate the personal and professional — most of the time, at least — no one would believe it possible.

Laura stifled a scoffing laugh. It wasn’t impossible, but it was damned difficult. And it was painful. She ached at being so restrained, something she found rather surprising considering her long-term, clandestine affair with Richard Adar. She would have thought she’d have been comfortable with a secret relationship, but she wasn’t, not with this relationship. They could do it, of course. They were getting plenty of practice and both she and Bill were disciplined enough for them to succeed — and they understood the need to keep things quiet — but Laura didn’t like it. This wasn’t an affair with a married man. It was something else, something more, beautiful and very real. It was honest and it deserved better than to be hid away as if it were something shameful.

Arranging her hair and then smoothing her clothing, Laura exited the lavatory, shutting off the light as she did. Bill still slept soundly in the same position, though a slight frown now marred his brow. She suspected he was missing her, even in sleep. That made her feel both good and bad. It was nice to be missed, but she wanted him to rest well. One of them should at least, and she knew it wouldn’t be her. Tory would be at her by the time she exited the raptor, wanting to know how the meeting with Bill went.

Laura was going to have to figure out something to tell her. She’d planned on talking with Bill about the Baltar situation, what to do with the frakker, etc., but those plans had gone out the window upon arriving at Bill’s quarters and finding the door shut. Priorities had shifted as she realized she had to try to repair the damage her silence on the Hera Agathon matter had caused. As best she could, at any rate.

Time would tell how much good tonight had done, for both of them, but her hopes were high that they would not dwell on it and move forward. They understood one another, and that helped. She understood his anger, frustration and sense of betrayal, acknowledged those feelings, and she sensed he understood her choice even if it didn’t set well with him. She had faith in him, in what held them together. They were going to be okay. She had to believe that or else she wouldn’t be able to leave his side tonight.

After setting out a clean uniform for him, Laura quietly moving to the bedside and watched him sleep. She gently reached out and fingered that unruly lock that curled to lay against his brow, watched his frown ease at the simple gesture. She smiled, her heart doing things that would no doubt have Cottle trying to hook her up to some damned medical monitor … or have him rolling his eyes.

Bending, Laura touched her lips to Bill’s cheek, her fingers lightly combing through his disheveled hair. He let out a soft, deep breath as she pulled away, his hand moving across the covers, looking for her. When he didn’t find her, his eyes opened slowly, searching.

“I’m heading back,” she whispered when his gaze found hers.

He didn’t say a word, just reached a hand up to her cheek, lightly calloused fingertips sweeping across her skin in a caress that sent a shiver through her frame and raised gooseflesh. She felt bereft when his touch drifted away.

Gods, he is a temptation, she sighed inwardly, pulled together what strength she had in the face of those blue eyes that beckoned without conscious thought and righted herself.

“I’ll call you in the morning,” she told him. “We need to decide what to do about Baltar.”

He nodded, a grimace briefly crimping his face at the mention of the name she had a hard time saying without complete contempt. “Better to come here,” he rasped, his voice somewhat heavy with sleep.

Laura agreed. Baltar’s survival of New Caprica wasn’t widely known and it was probably best they keep it that way. Gods knew what would happen if the people found out he was alive. There could be rioting, assassination attempts, and a dozen other things that she didn’t want to think about at the moment. “I’ll schedule a time. We’ll meet here.”

“Dinner,” he suggested and she agreed with that as well with a smile and a nod.

“Good night,” she said and earned the ghost of a grin as he shut his eyes. It was such a soft expression on him, adorable really, which made it all the more difficult for her to leave.

It was absolutely the last thing she wanted to do, but the one thing she had to do, making her curse their responsibilities all the way from his bedside to the raptor that took her away from him. It was wholly unfair.

< Variation 15: A Perfect Fit | Variation 17: Unsettled, Weary and Wise >